Happy Valentine’s Day!
It is February and we are well into the new year. Around Valentine’s Day we tend to think about how we can express our love to those close to us, as well as individuals in our personal network of support. Most often we search the racks for the perfect card to express our feelings or purchase a gift to celebrate the occasion.
But wait, before you purchase your gift. According to Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, he identifies ways to express and experience love. He calls these ways of expression “love languages” in which each person has one primary and one secondary language.
The five languages identified are:
Giving gifts that are meaningful to the person you are expressing love to.
2. Quality Time
Spending quality time together and sharing experiences can create fond memories. The time together doesn’t have to be an expensive trip to Paris. A gift of time can be priceless.
3. Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation means expressing affection for your love one through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
Telling your significant other, “I love you”, “thank you, honey” and “I appreciate you” are examples of affirming words.
4. Acts of Service
Acts of service involves taking actions rather than expressing words that are used to show and receive love. I recently made my BFF (Best Friends Forever), a pot of homemade chicken soup when she told me she was sick with a cold. She does so much for me and I wanted to do something for her. In other words, communicate in her love language.
5. Physical touch
It is amazing how much you can express or feel from a gentle touch, a hug, a kiss. A touch that says, “I love you”, a hug that says “I care”, or a kiss that says “I am here for you”.
Based on your personal experience, would you add more love languages?
Chapman suggests that to discover another person’s love language, observe the way they express love to you, analyze what they complain about most frequently and listen to what they request from you most often.
Chapman says people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive it, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when you can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands and appreciates.
An example would be if your husband’s love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry for you and you don’t perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties. You could have this view because the love language you may appreciate and understand is verbal affirmation that he loves you. You may be thinking, you can’t remember the last time he said “I love you”.
You may try to use what you value, words of affirmation, to express your love for him, which he would not value as much as you do.
If you understand your partner’s love language, by mowing the lawn for him, he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing your love for him; likewise, if he tells you he loves you, you may value that as an act of love.
I believe we can express love every day and can add compassion, kindness, forgiveness, and humor to the list. I recall talking to a woman that had been going through hard times with her husband. When I asked her what it was about him that makes you stay, her response was, “he makes me laugh”.
No doubt your love one is a significant part of your network of support. How we demonstrate our gratitude and love for members of our personal network is through meaningful gifts, quality time, acts of kinds, words of encouragement, and a loving hug of appreciation.
This maybe a good time to take a minute to reflect and have a heart-to-heart conversation with your significant other to determine if you are “speaking” the “right” love language.
Let me know your thoughts.
Stay Tapped In to the Love Life Has to Offer……
Women’s Self-Empowerment Strategist
Author of the Upcoming Book: TAP IN: Elevating Women’s Self-Empowerment
A Dynamic and engaging speaker, Dr. Myra Hubbard is available for Keynote Presentations, Conferences, Retreats, Training, and Consulting engagements. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 707-481-2268.
12 thoughts on “What Is Your Love Language?”
Spending time with you is always an enlightening experience. Thank you for being my friend. I am blessed to have you in my circle. Love you, my friend! ♥️Happy Valentine’s Day ❤
Thank you Alba, I feel the same way…Dr M
What a perfect topic for Valentine’s Day! Javier and I are fans of the Five Love Languages. It’s not uncommon for us to introduce it into our counseling sessions with couples. It’s true that many people tend to (unknowingly) demonstrate love based on their own love language while unaware of their partner’s. It can create further disconnect or frustration. Knowing one another’s love language helps us stay sensitive to one another’s needs and remain connected. Great blog post dear. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Dr Ed. We love you!
Hi Myra! Thank you for your post. It’s so you! I believe love is expressed best when sharing a great meal, a glass of wine, a lot of laughter, no judgment, and absolute trust in the people you are with. I wish you and Ed were here with Jack and me — there would be a lot of love in the air. Happy Valentine’s Day, my friend! ❤
Oh yes, Patti….you are speaking my language. I bet others in our TAP IN Community can relate.
A very fun, insightful blog around LOVE just in time for V-day! I appreciate these reminders about the various Love Languages that speak to us as individuals. Sometimes I lose sight of what my Husband’s needs (Physical Touch) are by focusing on my needs (Gifts).
My Husband and I actually had an opportunity to learn about Love Languages at a Love Banquet we attended last February, so this was a timely refresher for me.
Jimetta, you mentioned attending a Love Banquet, can you tell us what that was like?
Great practical and insightful advice and it works! Dr. Ed H.
Thanks Dr. H, you are the best!
In addition to being mindful of the Love Languages, we season our marriage with much of God’s grace. To remember God’s grace and kindness toward us, keeps our hearts soft. We have found that challenging ourselves to be quick to acknowledge our shortcomings and quick to forgive, leaves more room for love, affection and connection. Love you Dr Myra!
Welcome to the TAP IN Community. You have provided excellent additions to the love languages, thanks for taking the time to comment and share your insights. Love you, Pastor Ia, my dear prayer warrior. Dr. Myra
The Love Languages have been so helpful in understanding MYSELF! I’ve always been a better student of others Thani am of myself and understanding my love languages helped me ASK for the love I needed which helped my marriage AND my friendships find deeper intimacy 💗 Thanks, Myra, for this reminder to stay out of the ruts of typical holidays and consider how BEST to love 😘